5.24.2002
It's no fun when people start dissin' your homies. Especially when their critcisms are valid. Who knew that "conservation" doesn't include lab rats. Good thing the World WIldlife Fund won their lawsuit against the World Wrestling Federation (now WWE), so punsters can say the "F" stands for their animal rights grade.
^smag ^ 12:57 PM

5.22.2002
What's next? Chickens walking around without any bones...or, I mean, laying around.
^smag ^ 4:43 PM

5.14.2002
gravy: so tell me a story
gravy: i wanna hear a smag story
Smag: oh a smag story ...
Smag: um
Smag: okay
Smag: so this girl I work with asks me: "Have you heard about milk"
gravy: yeah
Smag: and I say: "The most i've heard about milk in the U.S. is that it's all propoganda, and it's not really good for you"
gravy: rite
Smag: so I tell her abou the chemical in your body that's sposed to go away when you grow up
Smag: but caucasians are mutants so it doesn't and we can drink milk until we die
Smag: huh?
Smag: we have a chemical that allows us to digest milk
gravy: white people?
Smag: it's sposed to fade away as you grow up
Smag: all people
Smag: but in white people it doesn't
Smag: so we can still drink milk
gravy: non white people cant?
Smag: but minorities are primarily lactose intolerant
Smag: 70 percent of african americans
gravy: whoa
gravy: we are mutants
Smag: thus -- some people say milk propaganda is racist
gravy: *eyes bugging*
Smag: SO, she goes: "Cool. But I was talking about the PUS"
gravy: the what
Smag: milk in the US is different because
Smag: A: When you boil it you don't get cream...bc they take it out for half and half, and whipping cream, I think
Smag: B: It's pasteurized
gravy: oh so cream is not fat
Smag: C: Cows in teh US are predominantly SICK, therefore there is lots of PUS in their MILK
gravy: ew no way!
Smag: D: when they pasteurize it, they kill the PUS, so really you're just drinking DEAD PUS
gravy: OH GOD
Smag: It's all conjecture, but how's that for a smag story?
gravy: very smaggy
gravy: smagalicious
gravy: smagadelic
gravy: not to mention icky
^smag ^ 11:16 AM

5.10.2002
Do you love sushi and the environment? Check out LxL's custom-made, wallet-sized seafood chart. Many fish, most notably Chilean Sea Bass, are overfished resulting in dwindling populations and a threat of extinction. Furthermore, methods of fishing like using longlines inadvertantly kills 100,000 seabirds breeding on sub-Antarctic islands annually. This figure includes endangered species of albatross and petrels. The simple answer to this problem is to stop eating these species for just a few years. If consumer demand goes down, chefs will not purchase fish, populations can rebuild, fisherman can keep their jobs and we can work toward sustainable fishing. If millions of people can be vegetarians, can't you not eat a few measly fish for a little while? Rock!


SEE THE SIMPLE LIST OF THREATENED FISH TO STOP EATIN'
^smag ^ 1:37 PM

5.6.2002
It seems that rain and humidity bog down my political agenda. Also I lost the password to my sitemeter, so what fun is it when you think you're just talking to no one? I suppose this just reinforces my notion that writing is too passive. Activism is often more instantly gratifying. Although, if my readers would E ME, I suppose it would be a different story.
^smag ^ 3:51 PM

4.17.2002
Today's latest cheer for ANWR a la BWF
hey anwr!
hey what?
hey anwr!
hey what?
ruin a wildlife refuge?
no way!
leave the drills at home?
ok!
LBL requests that you scream this cheers at your Senators...hurry they are voting tomorrah!
^smag ^ 3:25 PM

Dear Drew,
Your now infamous cheerleader dance will be performed on the Senate floor this week for 15 Democrats. I will throw my fists violently in the air, with the occassional side sweeping jazz hands, and do V-jumps until my torso is ready to split in two, all the while screaming "Filibuster, filibuster, aaaannnn---WAR!"
^smag ^ 12:40 PM

4.12.2002
My bubble tea takes over Chicago.
^smag ^ 4:41 PM

4.4.2002
Remember when I was talking about capitalizing on tragedy?
^smag ^ 5:17 PM

3.29.2002
A stereotype discussed on a whole new (and improved) level.
^smag ^ 2:53 PM

3.28.2002
Barnabas R. Miller sounds suspiciously like Santos L. Halper, I love it when fiction becomes reality.
^smag ^ 3:44 PM

3.27.2002
Who woulda thunk it? A politician who makes me smile.
^smag ^ 12:15 PM

"I'm sure my low tolerance for people's odd behavior will catch up to me one day." -BWF

What if someone went around their whole life thinking "Purple is a fruit." And where she lived, people don't really talk about fruit, because it's a sensitive issue. Since "Purple is a fruit," over the years she figures out that "Fruit tastes bad," as many purple things are inedible, like T-shirts and paper and crayons, but she tries them because she's adventurous (and, of course, "Purple is a fruit"). So, one day she finds a purple bottle of Windex, and thinks "Goddamit, it's fruit and I should like it," so she drinks it. And she dies. At the funeral, everyone wonders why she drank the bottle of cleaning solution. But they don't talk about it and the case is never solved, because death is a sensitive issue.
^smag ^ 11:39 AM

3.26.2002
A little bit of seriousness is good for you. So listen. In the past week I underwent a couple of weird experiences that really pissed me off. Both involved me and my cousin. Now, I know you can't see me, but I am white. She's getting pretty famous, so you can see her. She is bi-racial. The Women's NCAA Tournament is going on, so I've been telling everyone how awesome she is, because the Lady Vols are in the Final Four. So, I send some people this link and most go "awesome," "rawk," -- I reply: "I KNOW, right!" A few other people go, "Your cousin is black?" or "She doesn't look Irish." -- I think: "WTF?" First of all, in the days of PC-this and PC-that, why do you say that to me? Because I'm white like you and you think I'll understand? Think again. Second of all, I send you a picture. I say it's my cousin. She looks black. Why do you have to ask? Why do you focus first on the color of her skin compared to the color of my skin? I guess I should go ask the people who said this to me, but I'm non-confrontational, so maybe I'll just send them a link.

More later on the topics of Women in Sports and Two Times the Bi-racial Bigotry.
^smag ^ 2:09 PM

All Americans should be wearing their midlevel risk, one-eyebrow-raised, yellow M&M face today, says homeland security chief Tom Ridge.
^smag ^ 12:53 PM

3.25.2002
Brush up on your anarchy, because the world's most infamous proponent seems to have changed his mind.
^smag ^ 4:28 PM

3.22.2002
The story of my life.
^smag ^ 2:18 PM

Why the hell do people send out "fake" email petitions? To collect your email address for spam? Really, tho, I just think there are some sick creepos out there who get joy from tricking people into believing they're going to help start a national firefighters day. They're sick like the losers who capitalize on tragedy. And my biggest beef is that they, like that little boy who put gum under his desk and deprived of us our joy of blowing bubbles in class, ruin it for everyone.
^smag ^ 1:32 PM

3.19.2002
If Yale students and faculty boycotted and boo-ed a C student President Bush...what do we do when he's given a D-MINUS?
^smag ^ 12:33 PM

3.18.2002
HEY! YOU! Independent voter! Tomorrow, March 19, they're holding the Illinois primaries and the Board of Elections told smag reporters that Illinois has an open primary. So get out and Vote Smart and Vote Green. As for smag's staff, we can't decide whether to vote for liberal Republicans or against sneaky Democrats, but we don't have to decide that til tomorrow...mfew.
^smag ^ 5:13 PM

Ha ha! The quest begins...to outrank many illustrious bloggers for the official 2002 title of BWF's BEST. Okay, now to say something to deserve such honors:
"I'm amazed it's required so much effort to do the right thing." Oh, Capt. Dave all you need is to understood the algorithm of thoughtfulness vs. speed, and that there's no such thing as a free education...or a Chanukah Bush.
^smag ^ 10:55 AM